The Way Forum

Hey Jenn, Thanks for sharing this, Lovely to learn more about you. Were your parents Mormon?

Yes- the refocus on the desire does help.  I feel my desire to repent has been strong- because I have been experiencing repentance consistently- and it's gotten to the point where I have to go to the "next level" and I can't do that until I stop adding additional pain by way of self-punishment.

Self punishement is our desire to avoid feeling the pain of what we did wrong to others or anything else wrong in our parent's eyes (wether it is in error or not) that we have learned in our childhood to avoid feeling punishment from our parents, here from your aborted babies, while repentance is the desire to feel all the pain we did to others. There are 2 opposite desires, one is resisting and that creates more pain and the other is surendering to our pain and it releases it. So, you cannot desire to repent and self punish on the same subject at the same time. In other words, your desire to self punish is a block to your desire to repent, so I would concentrate on praying to feel the childhood fear and grief behind this addiction. When that will be felt and released, there will be only your desire to repent left.

Forgiveness is the process of feeling all the pain OTHERS did to us. You don't need to forgive yourself for the abortions, you need first to feel that the damages are repaired and "that all is well" with your aborted babies and then you will automatically forgive yourself at the completion of the repentance process. This is beautiful if you think about it. This process is amazing.

I was definitely avoiding feeling the overwhelming love and forgiveness that I have ALREADY received- my soul kept saying; but HOW can you forgive that? I don't deserve that.

God has already forgiven us for what we did wrong to others or ourselves but we will feel it only at the completion of the processus of repentance. As long as repentance is not fully engaged and processed to the end, we won't feel His forgiveness.

Veronica I am not sure I help here and not sure I understand all what you shared (next level, what is that?) and maybe you already know what I shared but I felt that what you were sharing was somehow in error and that it could keep you stuck, so I hope this will help. I know how beautiful is the process of repentance and also too well how painful it is to resist and to self punish. I am certainly not an expert but each time I have felt a repentant spirit about anything, I felt God's Love of an extreme intensity I have never felt in another moment. Like if God is so proud of me and is 100% with me, and my guides too. It is worth. I am very passionate about it, about humility and repentance.

May you spirit friend be a very loving being and he will help you best.

Yes- the refocus on the desire does help.  I feel my desire to repent has been strong- because I have been experiencing repentance consistently- and it's gotten to the point where I have to go to the "next level" and I can't do that until I stop adding additional pain by way of self-punishment.

I was definitely avoiding feeling the overwhelming love and forgiveness that I have ALREADY received- my soul kept saying; but HOW can you forgive that? I don't deserve that.  I was able to recognize that I have fear in my soul as to how feeling that overwhelming forgiveness and love will change me, or acknowledging how it has already changed me, staying in self-punishment because I've been afraid of that change that is already underway.

Yesterday after I posted this I was in prayer and I was able to meet a new spirit friend who can help me get through my block to forgiveness.  I am unable to put into words the love I feel and the hope I feel from our brief interaction.

My desire to repent & the actual action of repentance has revealed a lot of new desires and it is a beautiful journey- As I feel the wall to forgiveness breaking down I can see a little more clearly how those desires might be acted upon.

When I first learned about this Law two years ago I was overwhelmed with gratitude for God's Grace and Mercy. 

Right now I feel repentance is much easier than forgiveness.  I am still defiant and justifying self-punishment regarding two abortions that I committed four years ago now.

I really don't like considering how I can forgive myself- the Anger distracts me from feeling any compassion towards myself.

Anyway- I just wanted to engage on this topic today- I want to bring my desire into harmony with Forgiveness

O yes, I see. It is definitely about drug addiction, the release being assimilated to be in the arms of an angel... while she is probably in the arm of quite dark spirits. But I understand better why I like it from a loa perspective. This is what we do all the time when we want to avoid feeling our pain, is it not the case? It might not be drug, but then it is food or sex or internet or whatever alternative "feel good" emotional feeling we are addicted to. Would be great to have it adapted in harmony with Love and Truth though. Thanks Victoria.